Going to Wrigley (1/2019)

Back off the boat today, I’m flying.
I’ll be captain for a while.
Feeling’s so familiar, it’s been such a long time.
I left me. Don’t know when,
come down just to do it again.

So, maybe, I do know when I took off.
The moment I found out she might.
I remember that night.
Hotel room.
I was goin’ to Wrigley.
Rained out. Reached out to one friend.
I remember
the weather, dinner and corner I called from.
I don’t remember what he said.

I knew anything wouldn’t happen.
‘I know me. I got you.’

But I didn’t.
Now you’ve got me. Caught me.

You left and I lost it.
Fell in love, every dream came true
and I couldn’t tell you.
Heart bursting, head spinning, soul? Blue.
Ready to leave everything.
Man, I was so far gone.
Convinced me,
five different truths at the same time.
It was my fault.
‘Doctor give me some medicine.
Tell me how I feel, cause I can’t figure it out.
My words don’t work these days,
I know I’m going crazy,
so your guess is as good as mine.’ Terrified.
‘I’m making me and people insane.’
To not know how I feel. For over a year.
Talks with myself. Stories to myself.
Story-time with me. What should I go be?
Run away, build a raft, let it all be. Be fine.
‘No one ever cared anyway.’
Man, some of the darkest days.
A year and a half of the darkest days.
I wonder if anyone noticed.

I know one did.

I spill these thoughts from a cloud.
I can’t see the ground and I’m grounded.
I got all the time in the world.
We all got all the time in the world.

I wonder if anyone noticed