YOU (5/2018)

YOU (5/2018)

You couldn’t have waited?
Nobody was ready for that.
Two years ago today
I was excited to see her.
Nobody was ready for that.

I still get excited to see her.
To hear her.
Have her here.

Who picks who leaves?
I need to have a few, no, two words with you.

Fuck. You.

You took her before I met myself.
Or lost myself.
Talk to myself.
You rocked my world.
Stole my anchor.
I haven’t been the same since.
Right now no matter who’s around
I feel alone.
I know I am not
And I know feeling is different than knowing,
It’s just how I feel.

My brain’s too strong.
I think too much.
My heart’s too strong.
I care too much.
Strong things don’t break, they shatter.
Not me.
Well, me.
Every six years, shatter
and then I’m back together.
Put me back together.
It’s so much work, but it’s worth it.

Why not hit me now?
When I’m so close to finally not down.
My heart’s the strongest I’ve seen
And I’ve seen every piece of it.

So much work it’s worth it.

Funny Thing (4/2018)

Funny Thing (4/2018)

I listen, loud, while I live so softly.
I move so slowly, you think that you caught me.
Though, I know you’ll never keep up.
I know you’ll never change.

Keep up.

You speak so loudly while planting your lies.
You’re so about you, I see it in my eyes.
I know so much more than what’s in my head,
It’s gonna sing to you so soon.

Keep up, don’t lose me.
I’m down here and I know what I’m doing.
It moves so slowly.
You think that you know that you use me,
You think I have no plan,
But my plan is planned – it’s a story.
Plot line:
Spotlight.
Glory and praise. Center stage.
You.
Can you keep up?

Try to keep up.

I’ll move so slowly, you can’t keep up.
Ahead and behind in the same second.

You smiled at me when I was getting knocked down.
Funny thing – I fell, I never hit the ground.
I fell so far, so far inside.
I taught myself how to rise.

Try to keep up.
Keep keeping up,
Can you keep up?

I’ll drive you insane when I think you need it.
Starve your soul, then teach you to feed it.
When you wake up, will you waste it?
It’s always been up to you.

Elephant (New to Me) (4/2018)

Elephant (New to Me) (4/2018)

If I sit here.
If I stare there.
At the elephant in the tile there.
On the table here.
Unfocus, no thought, there.
City’s breath blows hot air.

If I sit here
And I don’t try to stop thinking
I will stop thinking.
Be back to the tusks on the tile there,
While I’m here.

While I’m here
I hear nothing and that is everything to me
Right now.
While I’m here
I might as well breathe.
New to me.

I’m new to me too.
Different these days,
Yet somehow back to my old ways.
My good old ways.
The good old days.
Just one thing missing.
The one thing that still pushes me.

I am open.
I let myself in.
I look around and I let me begin
Again.
Can’t think of a thing to stop me.
So much has tried to stop me.
I feel like going and never stopping.

See, this city’s not there.
In focus, a thought blares
Oh, elephant here
On the table, tusks in the tile there.
And I stare there
As I sit here.

Little Big Screen Queen (4/2018)

Little Big Screen Queen (4/2018)

In the coop, she’s the queen.
She runs everything.
Spends right now running circles.
Little shoes sparkling, the sun.
Everything.
She doesn’t care about anything we’ve done.

She says the stairs don’t work.
She sees, points, says ‘come here.’
She sees the slide and she wants to jump in.
A little help. See, the slide is broken.
Can’t jump,
So she asks twice for some help with the fun.

Climbs up the slide.
Yeah, she’s sliding up the stairs.
Runs in circles, two skips and jumps in.
Hair meets a little electricity.
Little circle, little feet next to me.

Tapped out and trapped in.
Didn’t get a nap in.
Big day takes it’s toll.
She’s done, it’s late, she rolls.

Four wheels through her jungle.
Pays no mind to the people.
People dodging purple,
She rides with one empty seat.
She finds its time to take her home.

A fish with limbs on the glass on the door
says, ‘you don’t want anymore?’
Asks us if you like it.
Summit the step and steal the show,
Walk under all of the people you know.
Little queen like she’s seen on the big screen.

Smile. Little. Louder.

She calls it early,
Says she’s over the scene.
She leaves people being people.
Leaves to be a queen.
Brings her blanket down the hallway,
She says goodnight and goes to sleep.

Diving Board (4/2018)

Diving Board (4/2018)

I walked across my brain today
While I was crossing the street.
I walked outside the lines today,
They watched me from the back seat.

I talked about the day today
While I was stacking ice cream.
I talk and don’t know what I say.
I taught me all that I’ll need.

Sometimes I set sail to see,
See what I’m gonna be.

Make this plank a diving board
And then I’ll learn to swim.
Untie my mind and have some more,
Tomorrow I’ll begin.

I walk out to sea.
I wade endlessly.
At least that’s how it seems.
Lose my feet,
I’ll blend in with the stars.

I built a rocketship today
While it was raining outside.
Old quilt and cushions, fly away
Out past everything I’ve ever tried.

I spent a lot of myself today,
Then I went flying alone.
When I let go in outer space
Somehow I feel like I’m home.

Hold your breath in outer space.
Somehow I feel like I’m home.
Yeah, I’ll blend in with the stars.

Easy Intrigue (4/2018)

Easy Intrigue (4/2018)

Chase a ball on a field
Spin old earth on a wheel.
You’ll be like your idols,
All your fallen idols.

Write a book, make it real.
Your ideas that people steal.
They’ll be like your idols,
They’ll never get to idle.
They won’t have the key.

It’s everything I’ve ever done.
It’s everything that I’ll do next.
It’s everything I would have won.
It’s everything’s easy.

And I don’t forget.

Lifetimes ago I told you that I’m never done.
It’s never enough.
Can’t create enough.
Cleanse my palette,
Scrape it up real rough.
Moving on’s not giving up.

I think back.
I don’t look back.
Maybe I went back?
Slow me down.
Fast forward, now
I think I’ll slow me down.
Just for a minute.
Get me back on track.
I think.
Back.

Nothing’s not easy.
Please, please appease me.
Please, something intrigue me.
Please don’t make it easy
Or I’m worried I will leave it.

Nothing comes naturally.
It’s all so natural, you see?
It all feels like nothing,
The day-to-day to me.
My nothing’s the stuff of dreams.
But, dreams aren’t what I want to be.

It’s not easy if I think about it.

Can’t do if I think about it.

Fleets of Thought (4/2018)

Fleets of Thought (4/2018)

From my mountain I survey the sea,
Always the one questioning.
What do people think of me?

Waves of watered down people
Walking beneath.
I don’t think they’ll ever see
That they’re half of who they used to be.

Hidden by a cloud,
They come to me in fleets.
I come to me and leave.

My youth’s fountain pushes me
Toward the parts of me to be,
The parts to leave,
And everything I think I’ll need
To get me through today.

Waves of little lost people
Lying beneath.
I don’t think they’ll ever see
That they’re who they said they’d never be.

Silence screams out loud.
They come to me in fleets.
I come to me and leave
To get me through the day.